The Trad Wifestyle. The Inspired Journal

Inspired musings from Andrea’s Journal

September 19, 2024

TikTok is buzzing with debates about the “trad wife” lifestyle, and influencer trad wives are gaining momentum. Their message revolves around celebrating the beauty of motherhood, homemaking, and supporting their husbands—portraying this as the ultimate path to fulfillment. However, like much of social media, if it seems too perfect, it probably is. From glimpses of lavish homes, idyllic family moments, and gorgeous outfits, the facade is carefully constructed. But behind the glossy posts lies a complex story—one that demands deeper exploration.

What Is the Trad Wife Lifestyle?

The trad wife (short for traditional wife) movement embraces traditional gender roles, where women focus on homemaking, child-rearing, and supporting their husbands as the primary breadwinners. Rooted in the values of earlier decades—particularly the 1950s—this lifestyle emphasizes a return to what proponents believe are simpler, family-oriented structures.

Some women find empowerment in choosing this path, believing it brings order and meaning to their lives. But critics argue that this movement can reinforce outdated gender norms, limit women’s independence, and perpetuate unrealistic expectations.

The Illusion of Perfection: Influencers in the Spotlight

Many influencer trad wives have crafted an image of seemingly effortless domestic bliss. Let’s take a closer look at a few key figures whose carefully produced lives are captivating followers—and what lies beneath the surface.

Ruby Franke: Former vlogger and momfluencer, Ruby Franke, was charged in 2023 with six counts of felony child abuse. She pled guilty to four counts and was sentenced to up to 30 years in prison. Her story serves as a grim reminder that seemingly picture-perfect families can hide dark realities.

Nara Smith: Married to Lucky Smith, a model and member of the Mormon church, Nara became a mother at 18. Her content glamorizes domestic labor—she even made homemade corn flakes postpartum and bubble gum for family members. But for many moms, these tasks seem unrealistic, especially while juggling the demands of early motherhood.

Hannah Neeleman (Ballerina Farm): A Juilliard-trained ballerina turned Utah farm mom, Neeleman left her career to embrace rural life. However, her videos don’t tell the whole story—her family benefits from immense privilege. Behind the rustic charm lies a $30,000 oven and a $3 million ranch, not to mention the financial security that comes with being married into the Neeleman family, with a father-in-law worth $400 million.

Estee Williams: Known for her 1950s-inspired wardrobe and advice like “How to Attract a Masculine Man,” Williams promotes staying home over pursuing college. Her public statements, like “men tend to be better people,” reflect a worldview many find troubling.

The common threads between these women? Carefully curated, unrealistic social content—and religion.

A Personal Reflection: My Cautionary Tale

Researching these influencers stirred up deep emotions for me. As someone raised in a highly religious environment, my journey intersects with many of the same themes. I grew up in a Pentecostal Evangelical church, surrounded by singing, dancing, and rituals like speaking in tongues. My parents—products of the 1970s Jesus Movement—taught classes to young married couples on how to build a “godly” marriage.

One lesson they loved to teach was submission—the idea that a wife should submit to her husband. Even as a child, I struggled with this concept, sensing its contradictions. My mother wasn’t naturally submissive, but she played the role well, sitting close to my father during these lessons, letting him do the talking. It was a performance—and I would later realize that my own marriage became one too.

Losing Myself in the Role of a Traditional Wife

Despite my misgivings, the patriarchal messages I absorbed stuck with me. After finishing college, getting married, and pursuing a career, I faced the ultimate test when I became pregnant. At seven months along, I raised the idea of returning to work after my maternity leave. My husband’s response was a firm no. “Mothers don’t belong at work,” he said. “You need to stay home.”

In that moment, I felt a mix of shame and resentment. I wanted to believe he was right, but part of me knew I wasn’t ready to abandon my ambitions. I sat in my car that night, tears streaming down my face, realizing that if I surrendered to this role, I might lose myself entirely.

When I tried to embrace the traditional wife persona, the power dynamics in my marriage shifted dramatically. The relationship deteriorated, and I found myself living a life that wasn’t my own. Eventually, I made the difficult decision to leave the marriage, realizing that a lifetime of pretending to be someone I wasn’t was too high a price to pay.

The Hidden Costs of the Trad Wife Lifestyle

Through my experience—and the experiences of other women I know who have taken on this lifestyle—I’ve seen firsthand the consequences. Some women who divorce find themselves struggling financially, scraping by with the help of family, friends, or government assistance. This heartbreaking reality is often far removed from the idyllic images presented on social media. Side Note: A recent study found that after a divorce, men retain 2.5 times more wealth than women, and women’s household income drops by 41%, while men’s decreases by only 23%.

The trad wife lifestyle may look appealing to those seeking structure and family-focused roles. But it’s important to understand that what looks like empowerment may, in reality, stifle personal growth and autonomy. When religion and tradition dictate a woman’s choices, it isn’t truly personal freedom—it’s an expectation imposed by others.

Choosing a Life of Balance and Empowerment

If you’re considering the trad wife path, I urge you to reflect on my story as a cautionary tale. While the desire for simplicity and family life is valid, never give up your power in the process. A balanced life—one that nurtures your family while also allowing space for your individual ambitions—offers far greater long-term satisfaction.

Today, women have more opportunities than ever to shape their futures. We owe it to ourselves—and to each other—to live fully, authentically, and with purpose. Social media can present alluring ideals, but the key to fulfillment lies in embracing your true self, not a role someone else expects you to play.

Life is short, and we only get one chance to make it count. Let’s support one another in pursuing the lives we truly want—lives that are balanced, meaningful, and our own.

With 💜,

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Continue this conversation by tuning in to Episode #04 of the InspirED Podcast: The Trad Wifestyle: A Cautionary Tale.