Gender Bias & Grace Under Fire. The Inspired Journal

Inspired reflections from Andrea’s Journal

August 8, 2024

Navigating the professional world as a woman, particularly in leadership, often means encountering labels like “aggressive” or “bossy.” I know this firsthand—I’ve been called both throughout my career. Unfortunately, I’m not alone. According to a Twitter poll, more than 85% of women in leadership positions have experienced these labels at some point. It got me thinking about the gender bias behind these words, how they shape the experiences of women in the workplace, and how we can respond with confidence, grace, and authority.

Just this week, I had yet another encounter where my gender became the focal point—something I’m no longer surprised by. What did surprise me, though, was how I responded.

To give some context: My husband and I run a business together. We work closely on most projects, but technically, I am his boss. How does that dynamic work, you ask? With a lot of communication, empathy, and effort. When we introduce ourselves to new business contacts, people often assume that he hired me. That can lead to some awkward conversations when we clarify that the opposite is true. And, interestingly enough, I often find myself feeling sorry for people who make those assumptions—because the embarrassment is usually written all over their faces.

Now, let’s fast-forward to the situation I encountered this week.

In a virtual meeting, my husband and I were debriefing a recent client meeting with our team. My husband asked a newer team member—let’s call him Ben—for his thoughts. Ben began his response with, “Well, your wife…”

Before he could go further, my husband quickly interrupted, saying, “No, Ben. She’s not ‘my wife’ here—she’s my boss. And she’s right here in the meeting. Can you see her?” Ben, clearly flustered, confirmed that he could. Awkward!

But what came next was the real kicker. Ben went on to describe my demeanor in the meeting as “aggressive.”

(Sigh.) There it was—that word again. Aggressive. The eyes of my female colleagues widened, immediately recognizing the gender bias at play.

My initial reaction was familiar: “Oh no! Am I being too aggressive? As a leader, the last thing I want is for my team to see me that way.” But, unlike earlier in my career, another thought quickly followed: “Wait. I’m leading this team with confidence, intelligence, and decisiveness. If I were a man, would these same qualities be described as ‘aggressive’—or would I be seen as ‘assertive’ and ‘forthright’?”

Unfortunately, this experience isn’t unique. Research consistently shows that women in leadership are more likely to face biased feedback compared to their male counterparts. According to the LeanIn.org and McKinsey & Co. Women in the Workplace report, women are twice as likely as men to be interrupted during meetings, twice as likely to receive comments about their emotional state, and 1.5 times more likely to have a colleague take credit for their ideas.

One of the most frustrating aspects of gender bias is how easily it seeps into our own thinking. After the meeting with Ben, I confided in a close friend about the experience. Her initial response caught me off guard: “Well, were you being aggressive?”

It took me a moment to respond. “Come on, you know me. Do you really think I’m an aggressive person?” She quickly snapped out of it and reassured me, but the interaction made me realize just how ingrained these biases are—even among women.

If other women are quick to believe these stereotypes, it’s no wonder that many of us struggle to balance others’ expectations with the qualities required for effective leadership.

So, how do we lead confidently without being held back by biased perceptions? And how do we stay true to ourselves when the leadership traits we embody are mislabeled?

The truth is, it’s nearly impossible to be an effective leader without being assertive, decisive, and direct. But those same qualities are often criticized when exhibited by women. If 76% of women in leadership have been labeled as “aggressive,” is the problem really with women’s behavior—or with the biases of those observing it?

Looking back on my career, I’ve faced many situations like the one with Ben. But I’ve learned that while I can’t control how others respond to me, I can control how I respond to them.

A younger version of myself might have become defensive, eager to prove my worth. But now, I recognize that microaggressions are not about me—they reflect society’s beliefs about women in leadership.

Instead of taking the bait, I now see these moments as opportunities to lean into my leadership authority. Responding with confidence, grace, and composure not only reinforces my position but also shows others—especially women—what strong leadership looks like.

Being labeled “aggressive” or “bossy” is frustrating, but it doesn’t have to define your leadership journey. By responding with grace and authority, you can challenge stereotypes and set an example for others.

Remember that moments of bias are opportunities to showcase your strength—and inspire others to do the same. Leadership isn’t about fitting into outdated expectations; it’s about being confident in your ability to lead authentically and effectively.

So, the next time someone calls you aggressive, take a deep breath, smile, and respond with the confidence of someone who knows exactly why they’re in the room. Because you are there for a reason—and you belong.

With 💜,

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Continue this conversation by tuning in to Episode #022 of The InspirED Podcast, Grace Under Fire.